Do I Need a Couples' Coach or a Therapist?

Finding the right kind of help is a step most people miss when they want to work on their relationship. Couples' therapy may seem like the only option, yet many people find their experiences deeply unsatisfying and couples' coaching way more effective. But for many, a therapist is exactly the right fit. How do you know which is right for you?

I have had both coaches and therapists myself, and they each provide a different kind of care and lens for the relationship. As a relationship coach, I've seen many couples thrive when adding coaching to their therapy or replacing therapy with coaching.

Here, I break down the difference between coaching and therapy so you can make the best decision: Do we need a couples' therapist or a coach?

Essential differences

Therapy and coaching have an essentially different worldview:

• Therapy is based on the medical model, meaning that people who come into therapy are diagnosed in some way as unwell, and then a treatment plan is created.
  

  While coaching is based on different kinds of therapy, it differs from therapy in an essential way: instead of diagnosing and treating "illness," coaching is about maximizing potential.

• Therapy is also focused on how the past is impacting the present. Coaching is about how the present is impacting the future. Many people find this lens preferable because they leave every coaching session with action steps, rather than just insights into their present reality.
  

• Coaches don't give advice or guidance, they ask questions. Coaching is inherently curious - rather than deciding what the right course of action is (which is a therapist's job), a coach wants the client to access their own inner wisdom to figure out the right thing to do.

The most common coaching model is cognitive-behavioral (I break down different kinds of coaching in this post), but what I use is a depth coaching model based on Jungian psychology, Eastern spirituality, and neuroscience known as the Maldonado method.

When You Should Definitely Choose Therapy

There are cases where it's important to consider therapy before coaching. If you or your partner are:

• Struggling with or have a history of addiction or substance abuse,

• Experiencing clinical depression: feelings of hopelessness, inability to enjoy things once enjoyed, changes to sleep and appetite,

• Diagnosed with a personality disorder, or

• Working with a history of trauma (physical, emotional, sexual, or verbal abuse)...

...consider therapy first. If you've tried multiple therapists and it hasn't been helpful, then try coaching instead, but a good coach will ask you about your history with therapy.

When Coaching Might Be A Better Fit

If you and your partner are:

• Generally mentally healthy: excelling at work, good relationships with friends and family, etc,

• Finding therapy to be circular or unhelpful, and/or

• Very experienced in personal growth work...

...you might prefer coaching. Relationship coaching is designed to challenge your assumptions about each other and yourselves, empowering you to step out of the circular conversations that can happen in therapy. This accelerates growth and connection more so than learning communication techniques and performing couples' challenges.

Want to have a chat about what's best for you and your relationship? Click the button below to contact me for a free Beyond Triggers session!

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